Why We All Just Want to Be Heard
I encourage you to take a minute and think about the last conflict you had with someone, maybe a friend, a spouse, or a family member. It does not have to have been a big argument. Often conflict shows up as tension, resentment, or feeling unheard. Have you thought of it?
What was it that really upset you? Chances are, it was not just the obvious, like your husband leaving that one chore undone or your mother trying to control things.
What usually hits us hardest is not the situation itself, but the message it sends. You are not being heard.
Pause for a moment and consider that.
Most of the conflicts we experience, no matter who they are with, come down to the same thing, not feeling listened to. Even when we try to have a calm and productive conversation, it can escalate because the other person is not truly hearing us. The more we try to explain, the more frustrated we become.
Why does being heard matter so much?
Because it is tied to love.
We cannot fully feel loved if we do not first feel seen and understood.
From childhood, we instinctively know that if someone truly pays attention to us, it shows that we matter. Being heard equals being valued. It is that simple, and it is at the heart of every human relationship.
What if we paused and realized that the real issue is not that one specific situation, but the deeper desire to feel cared for?
And what if we also recognized that the other person probably wants the same thing we do?
Relationships improve dramatically when we both give and receive attention, understanding, and care.
Here are three ways to start doing that:
Speak from your heart.
When someone upsets us, we get to choose how we respond. We can lash out or retreat, or we can speak honestly and from the heart. Often anger or irritation masks pain. If we calmly share how we feel and why, without blaming, the other person is much more likely to actually hear us.
Being open and vulnerable is not always easy, but it can calm the situation. When we are not attacking, the other person lowers their defenses and can truly listen.
Take a breath and listen better.
We all want to be heard, but if we only focus on ourselves, it rarely happens.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak.”
When we pause, calm ourselves, and really listen, we show love. We offer respect, and often we receive it in return.
Remember, people hurt because they are hurting. Hurt people hurt people. As we refuse to truly hear them in their hurting, we feed a cycle that only deepens the pain.
Surrender and be heard
As a person of faith, I believe that God can hear us completely, even when no one else can. He invites us to bring everything to Him and surrender our worries, frustrations, and unmet needs.
Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
When we surrender, He hears us fully, understands completely, and offers a peace that no one else can give.
From that place of surrender, we are nourished and strengthened.
What I have noticed is that our relationships get stronger when we are nourished by this love. When we feel seen, valued, and cared for, we can extend that same grace to those around us and we often get it back in return.
If you are noticing recurring conflict in your life or simply want to strengthen your ability to be heard and to hear others, take a moment today to pause, reflect, and practice one small step. Speak from your heart, listen deeply, or surrender your cares. These simple practices can create more space for love and understanding in every relationship you care about.
If this resonates with you, I would love to explore what this work could look like together.
Click here to set up a free intro call!
(Florida Only)
