When Your Inner Parts Are Running the Show
For a long time, parts of me were quietly—but constantly—trying to keep everything under control.
There was a part that worked hard to get things right, believing that being perfect was the safest option.
Another part focused on keeping others happy, hoping that would secure connection.
And a part that stayed small and quiet, convinced my needs could wait because other people’s needs were more important.
These parts were doing their best to protect me. They had picked up strategies somewhere along the way, and they were just trying to help.
But over time, I started to realize these parts weren’t just influencing me… they were taking over my life.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) gave me a way to slow down and get to know these parts.
I’ve learned (and continue to learn) not to push them away, but to listen with curiosity and compassion.
IFS teaches that we all have an inner system made up of many parts, and at the core of that system is something steady, wise, and calm: the Self.
At the core of every person is this Self—a grounded, wise presence that isn’t overwhelmed by fear, shame, or urgency. Self energy is calm, curious, compassionate, connected, and confident. It’s not something only certain people have—it’s something we all have. Even if it feels buried under stress, survival strategies, or old wounds, Self is never lost.
To be honest, at first, the idea of “Self” felt a little strange to me as someone who identifies with Christian values and beliefs. I worried it might be selfish or too focused on me.
But the more I explored this concept, the more I realized that Self energy is not about ego—it is about how we reflect the image of our Creator when we are calm, connected, and compassionate.
That quiet, grounded center we all have is not separate from God; it is how we were created to be.
For me, accessing Self feels like being in alignment with the Spirit of God—leading my life from a place of love rather than fear or striving.
I have personally found that IFS does not compete with my faith; it deepens it.
In therapy, we work to create enough space from protective parts so that your Self can begin to lead with more ease and clarity.
The goal of IFS is not to get rid of parts—it’s to help them trust they don’t have to work so hard. That Self can lead.
In my work as a therapist, I use this approach to help clients gently shift from inner chaos or self-criticism into clarity and care. We explore what roles their parts are playing and what those parts truly need.
Healing doesn’t mean becoming a whole new person. It means creating more space for the truest version of you to lead.
Interested in IFS-informed therapy in Florida or in Vero Beach?
Let’s talk. You don’t have to carry it all alone.
Click here to set up a free intro call!
If you want to learn more about IFS therapy and the model I recommend the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz.
