Permission Slips, Cleats, and Meltdowns: Searching for Connection in the Midst of the Parenting Mental Load
Finding Your Way Back from Perfectionism and Pressure
Parenting was never meant to feel like a constant performance review.
And yet, so many parents I meet, especially those who lean toward people pleasing, high achieving, or perfectionist patterns, describe it as this relentless mental load. Did I sign the permission slip? Did I track the practice schedule? Did I handle that meltdown the “right” way? Am I showing up enough, calm enough, present enough?
It is exhausting.
And it leaves so many parents quietly wondering: What if I am not enough for my kids?
If you have had that thought, you are not alone.
I spent over 13 years working in schools alongside parents and kids, and I noticed something again and again: the kids were not looking for perfect parents. They wanted parents who stayed connected. Parents who could repair after hard moments. Parents who kept showing up, even when it was messy.
The weight you are carrying
The mental load of parenting is not just juggling schedules and carpools. It is also:
anticipating meltdowns before they happen
worrying about your child’s friendships or self esteem
feeling responsible not only for their success, but for their happiness, regulation, and growth
wanting to rescue them so they do not have to struggle at all
No wonder you are tired. Parenting under the pressure of “doing it right” makes it harder to actually feel connected to your kids.
The patterns we all fall into
Again and again I see caring, thoughtful parents slip into things like:
stepping in to rescue instead of letting kids learn from struggle
managing every detail so nothing goes wrong
being so hard on themselves for losing patience or not handling a moment well
None of this means you are failing. It means you are human.
When it comes to parenting teens and even adult children:
The pressure to get it “right” does not end when your child leaves elementary school. Parenting a teenager or even an adult child often comes with a whole new set of worries. You may feel the urge to rescue them from friendship conflicts, relationship struggles, or academic stress. You might notice power struggles that look different but feel just as intense (or even way more) as when they were little. And it can be confusing to know how much to step in and how much to step back.
For parents of adult children, the anxiety can shift into fears about whether they are making good choices, taking care of themselves, or even still needing you. It is easy to feel caught between wanting to support and wanting to respect their independence.
The truth is that the same themes still apply:
Connection matters more than control.
What your teens and adult children need most is your presence, your listening ear, and your steady love, not a perfect solution.
A few gentle shifts
Here are some reminders I share with parents I work with:
Connection matters more than correction. Kids do not need flawless parenting. They need to know you are in it with them. Repairing after a hard moment is often more powerful than getting it “right” the first time.
Pause before rescuing. When your child is struggling, ask yourself: am I helping them build skills, or am I stepping in because I feel anxious watching them hurt? Sometimes giving them space to try is the gift.
Notice your own triggers. If you have been a people pleaser, a perfectionist, or the one who always held it all together, those patterns do not disappear when you become a parent. They often get louder. Your awareness of them is the first step toward shifting them.
Let them see your imperfection. Modeling how you repair, apologize, or try again teaches resilience in ways that being perfect never could.
Throw out the scorecard. You do not need perfect lunches, perfectly handled tantrums, or kids who never forget their cleats. What matters most is that your child feels loved, safe, and seen. (And honestly, remembering practice schedules deserves its own medal.)
You do not have to figure this out alone
If you are reading this and recognizing yourself, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not broken, and you are not failing. You are doing your best with an impossible set of expectations (especially those of you reading the mom influencer highlight reels).
This is the work I love doing with parents, helping you untangle the pressure to be perfect, finding ways to reconnect with your kids and partners (because we know those relationships strain under the pressures of parenting), and shifting patterns that keep you stuck in anxiety and power struggles.
If you are ready to feel more supported as a parent, I would love to walk alongside you.
Reach out and let us talk about how therapy can help you breathe a little easier and feel more connected in your parenting. Serving Vero Beach and virtually all of Florida.
